The past few weeks have been quite tough. Sometimes I feel like the person Ive entrusted myself to the most drifts away for reasons I dont know and I cant help but feel like a failure/terrible person and who knows, maybe I am in certain areas and I dont even know it and mebbe im an insensitive idiot for not even knowing. IDK. I spent hours just sitting there evaluating myself and asking myself where did I go wrong or what did i do to deserve all this. A sense of deep loneliness and insignificance was just so overwhelming these past few weeks. You see, this person that was drifting away has prolly been the most important person in my life for a long time. I would tell this person things i dont tell anyone else and I’d feel we’d always be there for each other no matter what, through thick and thin. I have also always liked this person (girl btw lol) for the longest time and i felt like my life for past few years has been all dedicated to trying to win this girl over. But things just happen every time that make it not work out and i have many regrets because many times it was my fault. To see someone of such significance in my life just drift away just made me downright miserable and broken inside. I realized that i pretty much found my self worth in this girl, which even surprised myself. So as a Christian, I dig back to my beliefs and the Bible and seek comfort and guidance in the Word, which i unfortunately have neglected for the longest time. I stumbled across the story of Abraham and Isaac, a story im sure all Christians know but commonly look over. But as I was reading, something struck me deep. In the story, God promises Abraham that his descendants will be a great nation, as numerous as the stars in the sky and the sand in the seashore. Yet, Abraham only had one son from his wife, Isaac. Out of nowhere God suddenly asks Abraham to sacrafice his son Isaac, who at the time, was Abraham’s only hope of having any descendants let alone a great nation. Im sure he felt in a way that the person he found his self worth in was being taken away from him. Regardless, Abraham still had complete trust in God and his promises and obeys without question, although what God asked of him seemed completely irrational and contradictory to his promises. In the end, he proves himself to God and does not have to sacrafice his son and is showered with many blessings from God than he had before. Basically Abraham surrendered the thing he valued most, his son, to God out of complete faith and in return he is blessed with so much more. This was the lesson that struck me. Sometimes we hold onto certain people or even things so tightly in life, that the thought of letting go is unbearable. Like for me, all i ever wanted for the longest time was to be able to win this girl over. At times i couldnt picture my life without her in it. But we as Christians also must realize that not everything is gonna work out the way we want it to. God has a perfect plan he promised for all of us. “For i know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11. Sometimes we just gotta take a step of faith and trust that God is doing things in our lives for our best, even if this means we hafto let go of what earthly thing we value most, whether it be a guy/girl that we like or even just material possessions. For me, I learned to let go of this girl. Not saying i dont like her. She is still a very close friend who I deeply care for and whose friendship I deeply value. And who knows, mebbe God will work in mysterious ways in the future. Ultimately, I learned to let go and lay my burdens on God, who will forever love us unconditionally. Whatever happens, I know He is in control and I am eternally grateful. I realized that our self worth should be in Christ and not in people. Not saying we should disregard people and become like hermit monks. What I’m trying to say is that we need to learn to put God first, and as a result his love will flow through us to other people and we will learn to treat and love others and the ones we care about the most with a Godly character. Mebbe you have someone in ur life that uve been pursuing for the longest time and dedicated many of your emotions and time to. But perhaps mebbe God is telling you this is not the perfect plan he has in stored for you and you just hafto trust Him and learn to let go if things grow sour. Yea its tough. Feelings of hurt still come back to me every now and then. But i’m sure down the road when God’s plan unfolds in our lives, we’ll look back and be appreciative of way things turned out. Never stop doing the right thing! God will always follow through for us when we learn to trust Him.
Anywho sorry for this long block of text blocking your newsfeed. I know i dont use tumblr anymore so prolly no one will even read this but i just needed some media outlet to vent on and perhaps look back upon in the future haha